Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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