First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
handjob tips. give me some.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
