Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
the liver wants what the liver wants
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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