Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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