i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
