I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Randomize
