I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
