He uses pillows to masturbate.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Houston, we have a blender
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
