This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
