The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize