you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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