We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
