I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Randomize
