Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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