I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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