We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
