Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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