I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize