She is in my trunk
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize