The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
