the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Randomize
