my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
