I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
