so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
