the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Randomize
