youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
