don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
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