Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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