I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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