Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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