Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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