I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
