If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
