i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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