you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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