Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
