I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
