What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
