SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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