i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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