He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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