The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
