yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
vagina is talking i cant
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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