"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
