I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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