Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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