just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
