i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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