i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
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