the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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