Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
