whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
