Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
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