I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
