Sry I called you an 8
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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