LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
