is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
