I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
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