my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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