i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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