I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
You need Xanax blowdarts
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
