She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
