just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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