Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
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