i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
