At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
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