We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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