Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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