How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize