Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
