Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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