If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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