You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize