I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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