I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize