i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
